Why Average Joe Will Vote for Donald Trump

The Book

(The following story appears as part of Brian Daniels’s book, Thoughts of an Average Joe, which was published by Islandport Press in 2014. “I’d Vote for an Honest Politician” seems timely, considering today’s political circus. More information about the book here.)

          I’d Vote for an Honest Politician 

How refreshing would it be to have an Average Joe, say Joe Schmoe, throw his hat into the political ring—any political ring—and tell it like it really is.  I’d vote for a guy (or gal) who told us how he/she really feels, instead of what he thinks we want to hear.  Imagine the following at a press conference.

          “Mr. Schmoe, do you really think you can win this election?”

          “That’s a stupid question . . . next.”

          “If elected, do you think you can make a difference for the people of this state?”

          “I don’t know.  I’m running because I just lost my job and I figure this one pays well, requires little effort, and comes with good benefits and great perks.  I hear I’d have a staff, two interns, and a driver . . . SWEEEET!”

          “Joe . . . ”

          “I don’t know you.  Call me Mr. Schmoe.”

          “Sorry, um, Mr. Schmoe, if elected, what will you do about this country’s huge budget deficit?”

          “Duh!  I think we might need to spend less than we bring in.  That’ll mean no more free rides.  Every able-bodied citizen will have to get a job and pull his or her own weight.  No more handouts for the lazy buggers who won’t work.”

          “But, Mr. Schmoe, some people don’t want to work.”

          “It sucks to be them.  They can get a job or move to some other country stupid enough to take care of them.”

          “Candidate Schmoe, are there leaders who have been an inspiration to you?”

          “Yes Ma’am, I admire former Presidents Kennedy and Clinton, and Senator Gary Hart.”

          “Because they were strong leaders with common values and personal charisma?”

          “No Ma’am, ‘cause they all had hot girl friends while in office.  Next question.”

          “So, if I understand you Mr. Schmoe, you want to be elected for the money, the driver, and the women.”

          “I’m glad someone is paying attention.  Thank you.  Next . . . You sir, in the pink shirt.”

          “What is your position on same sex marriage?”

          “It’s fine with me.  My wife and I have been having the same sex for over 30 years. Besides, I believe you fellas should have the same right to be miserable the rest of your lives as us straight dudes.”

          “Candidate Schmoe, a lot of Americans are concerned about immigration.  Do you feel we should tighten security at our borders?”

          “Heck, no!  We need to let a few more of those Canadians through.  How else are we gonna get good hockey players?”

          “If I may follow up, I think there is more concern about the Mexican border.  Do you have a plan for controlling immigration there?”

          “Well, in fact, I do.  I propose an exchange program where for each Mexican we allow into our country, we get to send one of our folks there, and I get to choose.”

          “Could you elaborate for us, Mr. Schmoe?”

          “I’d be happy to.  Let me give you an example.  Let’s say Juan, Maria, and Pedro want to cross the border into the United States.  Then, I could, in exchange, send Rosie, O.J., and Hillary.”

          I’d vote for Joe Schmoe, wouldn’t you?

Average Joe

About Average Joe

In 2009, Brian Daniels started writing a humorous commentary newspaper column and blog, Thoughts of an Average Joe by Joe Wright. “So why the nom de plume, Brian,” some asked. Brian, not so fluent in French, initially thought his friends were badgering him about his hair-do. Once it was explained that “nom de plume” is French for “pen name”, he explained that Thoughts of an Average Brian just doesn’t have the same ring and, furthermore, creating a fictitious character allowed him to express ideas and opinions even more ridiculous than his own. Brian, in addition to being a newspaper columnist and blogger, is an avid outdoorsman, a novelist, musician, and songwriter. His first novel, Luke’s Dream, was released in January, 2011. His second book, Thoughts of an Average Joe, was released in April, 2014 by Islandport Press. Brian, until his recent retirement, practiced optometry in Brunswick, Maine, where he lives with his wife, Laurene.