Tag Archives: getting older

No More Lucky Strikes For Average Joe

I started smoking cigarettes—Lucky Strikes—at fifteen years old. I was in love with sixteen-year-old Rhonda Stevens and wanted to seem older, cooler and more sophisticated. I was pretty sure a cigarette hanging from my pimple-covered face would drive Rhonda to a state of uncontrollable lust for my bony body.   I just knew that if […]

What Do I Do About This President Rubio Tattoo?

Did you every wake up with a headache and some new body art (like a Rubio for President tat)?  Me neither . . . honest.  I was just wondering about you.  This isn’t about me, is it? As I look around at the epidermis of my friends and neighbors, I’m seeing an investment opportunity that […]

I Wonder What My Gravestone Will Say

I took a walk with my beagle, Boozer, recently and we ended up in the Smalltown Cemetery.  I noticed there were headstones dating back to the early 19th century, and read many of the inscriptions.  As I did so, it occurred to me that most of the gravestones said little, other than the length of […]

I Miss the Smalltown Barbershop

Smalltown lost its barbershop, an important social center for the men in this community, about ten years ago when old man Whitney dropped dead while giving my Uncle Herbert his monthly flat-top. Roland Whitney was old. He was the only barber I’d ever seen for a haircut until I was pushing fifty. Dad would take […]

My Grandfather Shouldn’t Have Been Driving

I remember when I was a kid, my grandparents would come to visit and my dad would always ask the same question when they’d arrive. “How was your trip?” “Great,” Grandpa would answer. “Your mother drove all the way. All I had to do was hold onto the steerin’ wheel.” It got funnier every time […]

This Medication Will Help You (If It Doesn’t Kill You)

The older I get, the more I worry about my health. Like most young fools at 20, I thought I’d live forever—always healthy, no wrinkles, no gray hair, no hair loss. I’d be the first to get out of this world alive, well, and looking good. Thirty-some years later, I’m here to tell you that’s […]